Hoja, King Timur and the Elephant

"One day the villagers came to Hoja saying,
"Hoja! This elephant must go from here because we are working like slaves just to feed it."
The elephant belonged to King Timur and the villagers feared the King and what he might say if they returned it.
"Of course!" said Hoja, "Let's go to King Timur and I'll say to him that it's a big problem for us and ask him if he could take the elephant away. But you must be there with me when I go to see King Timur."
The villagers agreed, "Of course, Hoja!"
Next day the villagers and Hoja went to see King Timur together.
When Hoja started speaking to the King he turned round and saw thet the villagers had gone.
He spoke to the King:
"The villagers like the elephant very much. Could you please give them another one!"
GOKMEN

Aldar Kose, the Donkey and the King

The old King met Aldar Kose and asked him,
"People tell me that you know everything and can do anything. Can you teach a donkey how to speak?"
"Yes" he answered. "I will be able to teach it how to speak within 20 years. But you will have to give me money and half your kingdom."
"I will give you what you ask, but if you don't teach the donkey how to speak I will chop off your head," the King replied.
Time went on and Aldar Kose lived happily and had lots of fun. But people asked him, "When are you going to teach the donkey to speak?"
He anwered, "Never! Because in 20 years either the King or the donkey will be dead. I willenjoy my money now and wait to see who dies first!"
ANDREY

Nazar Boncuk

In Turkey you can find what we call Nazar Boncuk. They come in many different sizes. They are always blue with a white circle and made of glass.
You see them everywhere: in shops, bazaars and factories; in cars, on buses and trains. If it's broken it means bad luck is coming.
You can put it on a wall, hang it on a mirror or wear it. People like to keep it near babies.
People believe that this will protect you from the evil eye by reflecting it like a mirror.
CAGRI & SEMIH

The Fox and the Crow

A crow sat on a branch with a piece of cheese in his beak.
A fox saw him and started to circle the tree, thinking how to remove the cheese from the crow's mouth.
First, the fox tied to make the crow feel good about himself:
"Mr. Crow you look like a star with your shiny feathers."
Because the crow didn't say anything he kept going:
"I've heard you are the wisest bird in the world."
But still the suspicious crow kept silent.

"I've heard that your voice is a thousand times more beautiful than a nightingale: would you mind singing something with your amazing voice?"
As the crow started to sing the cheese fell down and the fox got it.

MORAL: The flatterer is paid by those who bother to listen.
MIHAI

The Poor Man and the Sausages

A poor man was in the market and he smelt the smoke of sausages coming from the barbeque of a stall-holder. He didn't have enough money to buy the sausages but he started to eat bread while smelling the aroma of the cooking sausages at the same time!

The stall-holder said: "You didn't buy anything from me. You must at least pay for the aroma (smoke) of the sausages.
The poor man had only three coins on him. He put his hand into his pocket and shook them to produce the sound of clinking coins.
He replied: "That'll be payment for the smell, the sound of rattling coins!"
IOAN

The Eagle and the Bear

One day an eagle and a bear got onto an airplane and sat next to each other.
After ten minutes the eagle pushed the button to call the air hostess. After seconds the hostess came and asked:
"How can I help you, Mr. Eagle?"
"Oh I only called you to get your goat!" answered the eagle.
The hostess was confused and went back to her seat.

After ten minutes the eagle pushed the button again. The hostess came and asked:
"How can I help you, Mr. Eagle?"
"Oh I only pushed the button to get your goat again!" answered the eagle.
The hostess got angry this time and went back to her seat without saying anything.

Ten minutes later the bear decided to push the button. The hostess came and asked:
"How can I help you, Mr. Bear?"
And the bear replied, like the eagle:
"Oh I only called you to get your goat!"

This time the hostess got really angry and complained to the Captain. The Captain decided to punish them by throwing them off the plane.

The crew took them to the door. As the door was opened ready to push them out the eagle asked the bear:
"Can you fly?"
"No, I can't," replied the bear.
Then the eagle smiled and said to the bear:
"Don't get people irritated if you can't fly!"
ERSAN

The Farmer, the Cow, the Goat, the Goose and the Bag

A farmer went to market to sell his cow.
He sold his cow and with the money he bought a goat.
He was thinking he would get a lot of milk for making cheese. But he didn't.

He sold the goat and bought a goose, hoping to sell a lot of eggs.
But the goose didn't lay very many eggs.

He sold the the goose and bought a bag...

MORAL: Our prediction is often different from the result.

ADRIAN, CRISTINA, CHRISTIAN

Hoja, the Donkey and the Thief

One day Hoja Nasreddin's donkey was stolen. His neighbours asked Hoja how this had happened.
"Didn't you tie the donkey to a tree?"
"Yes I did!"
"Why didn't you put in in the stable?"
"???"
"Why didn't you check on it regularly?"
"???"
"Why didn't you hear anything?"
"???"

Hoja got angry and shouted at his neighbours:
"What about the thief? Doesn't he share any of the blame?"
ALAATTIN

Hoja and the Thief

One night a thief entered Nasreddin Hoja's house without permission. He stole things, but Hoja didn't hear anything because he was sleeping.
In the morning Hoja got up and saw that a thief had come in and stolen some things. He told this to his neighbours and they asked him:
"Why didn't you hear the thief?"
"Why didn't you wake up?"

Hoja was confused.
"Why is the fault all mine? Isn't the thief at fault too?"
ADEM

Hoja's Ugly Wife

One day Nasreddin Hoja married an ugly woman.
His wife asked him, as was the custom, which of the relatives would be allowed to come to see her and which wouldn't.
Hoja answered, "It isn't important! As long as I don't see you, you can be seen by whoever you want."
OZLEM

Hoja Tries to Sleep

One night Hoja couldn't sleep so he went out for a midnight walk. In the street a night-watchman saw Hoja and asked him what he was looking for.
Hoja answered, "My sleep has escaped, I'm looking for it!"
FERIDUN

The Fox and the Grapes

ONE HOT summer's day a Fox was walking through a wood when he saw a bunch of grapes on a branch above his head.
"Just the thing to cure my thirst," he said.
He took a run and a jump, but missed the bunch.
He jumped up again, but didn't get the grapes.
Again and again he tried, but finally he gave up and walked away with his nose in the air, saying:
"I am sure they are sour."
MORAL:
If you're not able to reach your target or goal due to your personal weaknesses you will always say it wasn't worth it!!
ANTONIO

About MLS

MLS is an international college specialising in Management and English Language training with specialist courses for Air Traffic Controllers in Aviation and General English. It is based in Bournemouth, U.K.
"Near Miss" is a blog written by Air Traffic Controllers as part of the General English component of their Aviation English training. See the website for further details.

Hoja and the Tigers

Nasreddin Hoja was throwing handfuls of bread all around his garden.

"Hoja! What are you doing?" his neighbour asked.

"Keeping the tigers away."

"But there aren't any tigers for thousands of miles!"

"Exactly. Effective, isn't it?"
D Z E F

Hoja and the Yoghurt

One day Hoja was eating yoghurt. But it tasted bitter. Then he wanted to throw it away. He went to the lake. A group of villagers came upon him at the edge of the lake. To their surprise, they saw he was kneeling by the water, carefully spooning yoghurt from a wooden bowl into the lake.
Hoja was a famous teacher and he didn't want them to know what he was doing.

"Hoja!" they shouted. "What are you doing with the yoghurt?"

"I'm putting yoghurt into the water to ferment the lake," he replied . "Then there'll be enough yoghurt for everybody."

"You're crazy. How can you think that!" the villagers told him. "This lake will never turn into yoghurt!"

"I know, I know," Nasreddin Hoja admitted. "But just imagine how wonderful it would be if it did!"
CAGRI

Build and Let!

If we had a million dollars we would use it in two ways:
1. BUSINESS- Find the owner of an old house (1-storey) - build a second floor.Sell or let the Second Floor for lots of money.
This way you don't have to worry about buying land or the regulations of the municipality!!
You can do this as many times as you like!!
2. SPENDING-travelling around the world, buying a private plane, discovering new types of fuel, setting up Orphanages, financing Churches, Tourist Boards.
SERGEY, VITALIY, ALEX

Racehorses!

If we had $1 million we would:
1. Train and run racehorses (Arabic and British horses)
2. Buy cars: Ferraris, Porsches and Range Rovers
3. Buy houses with seaviews, gardens and tennis courts
4. Like to travel to Italy, China and America
5. Help the homeless, orphans and the poor
6. Like to set up a Foundation for research into cancer, AIDS etc.
7. Build a school--a special school!
8, Set up a business to give work for the unemployed.
OZLEM, FERIDUN, ANTONIO

Romanian Floods

If we had $10 billion we would set up a fund for Romanian flood victims. Every spring there are floods.
We would rebuild houses and try to move villages to safer areas.
We will need many things:
--clothes
--food
--water!!
--blankets
We would also exchange techniques with other countries in the same situation like Bangladesh.
With global warming this will get worse.
We are here to help!
CRISTINA, ADRIAN & CHRISTIAN

Watch this video...[click to view]

Helping the Poor!

If we had $100,000 we would:
1. Write a Software program like eBay -- approx. cost $70,000
2. Use media advertisements to make people aware of our software and website
3. Find the genuine poor with the help of the government
4. Target rich people and companies who want to offer products without money
5. Give usernames and passwords to the real poor people
6. Make it free for them to buy their necessities---without paying anything!
7. Check, monitor and update the system regularly.

ADEM, ALATTIN & SERKHAN

Travel Safari

If I won a billion dollars I would travel all round the world.

First, I would go to Africa for a safari...I like animals.
I could travel for ten years, I reckon.

Then I could start it all over again!!
GOKMEN

My Big Brother

If I won a billion dollars I would buy an enormous pillow to keep the money under!!
Then I would move to the Maldives and travel around the world with my new wife!!!!

More seriously, I would give a lot of the money to charity.
After that I would give the change to my elder brother to manage, because he is a real professional at doing that.
I can't count or manage a huge account, but he can!

I think he is the most clever businessman I've ever met in my life.
ERSAN

Research Institutes

If I won $10 billion I'd keep 20% for me and my family's necessities (travel, a new house, car etc.).
But 80% I'd give to finance research institutes to fight the world's dangerous diseases: AIDS, Cancer etc.

Angelina, Nicole and Me

If I had $10 billion I would move to Istanbul and buy a big house on the Bosphorus. I would buy a Ferrari, a Bentley, a Lamborghini, Angelina Jolie and Nicole Kidman.
I would also buy a big luxury yacht and take a long sea trip with Angelina and Nicole.
SEMIH

Free Operations!

If I won $10 billion......
Each of us has dreamt about big money. It's not easy to have big money and decide how to spend it.
So if I won a lot of money I would buy a house, a car and a plane. I would travel a lot.
When this starts to get boring I would do something useful for other people.

I would pay for all operations in the Ukraine for people who need it.

Maybe nobody will remember my name. But I would realise that I had done something good.
ALEX

Space Travel

If had $10 billion in my pocket I would like to spend it on my family and a space programme.
I need my own rocket to travel round the galaxies.
This world is too small for me and my family!

Building Houses

If had $10 billion I would put $9 billion in the bank. The bank can invest this money.
The other part I would use to set up a construction company for building new houses using new techologies, designs and communications systems.
The houses will be secure, safe and comfortable.

A New Wife !!!

If I won a billion dollars I would change my wife, my car, my house and my life.
The new wife must be a maximum of 25 years old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Nobel Example

I would spend $1 billion to improve the life of my family and secure their future. Then I am going to spend 2 or 3 hours every day listening to the business ideas of young, clever people without financial support.
I have always admired Alfred Nobel who decided not to leave his money to his nephews but to a non-profit foundation that rewards every year scientists and researchers who are able to discover something valuable for humanity and peace.
IOAN

If I Won a lot of Money...

Many people want to win money. Money can change your life. People need it!
1. I would spend it very well. Don't worry! I will take part of the money and buy a beautiful house, cars and many other things. I would also give money to my family.
2. I don't want to live without working. So I'll set up a company. I won't work too hard but I will just work when I'm bored.
3. I hope one day I will win this money.
Cagri

If I had a Billion Dollars!

If I had a billion dollars I would:
1. Change my wife, house and car!
2. Help 'genius' children who don't have money so that they can contribute to science, invention and business.
3. Travel around the world in a private plane.
4. Build a house by the Bosphorus.
5. Invest in a space programme so that I can travel in space!
6. Finish working, give up smoking and drinking!

Making a Paper Aeroplane

First, take a piece of A4 paper. Second, fold in half. Take one end and fold into a triangle and do the same with the other side. Fold the top of the triangle onto the three quarters, you then have a rectangle.
Take the bottom left hand corner fold into the centre of the paper to make a triangle. Turn round the paper do the same with the other side. Take the top of the big triangle and fold outside, pick up the paper and fold in half.
Take the top left hand corner, fold in half to make a wing. Do the same with the other side.
Enjoy your flight.....

Oil Scam

A man bought an oil refinery for $800,000 10 years ago with an agreement to pay for it in equal parts over 10 years.
He had a lot of important political contacts.
He didn't have to pay any interest and he didn't even have to pay on time.
Two months ago he sold his refinery for $2,500,000 and finally paid off his interest-free loan!!

The Maiden Tower of Üsküdar

Kiz Kulesi (the Maiden Tower) is on the Bosphorus in Istanbul.
This is its story:
Once upon a time there was a wizard who after looking into his crystal ball said to the Queen that her daughter would die after being bitten by a snake.
The Queen built this Tower in the middle of the Bosphorus to protect her daughter.
Every day servants would take food and drink for her.
One day they delivered the food and drink by boat as usual but didn't spot a snake hiding in the box of food. When the daughter opened the box she was bitten by the snake and died.
Despite all the efforts of her mother, the servants and the guards to save her.
Cağri

Bogus Policeman

About 15 years ago I went to Tajikstan by plane. The flight was awful and my shoes wer a complete mess. I decided to clean my shoes and a shoecleaner at the airport offered to clean them for a few pence. After he had cleaned the shoes he asked me to pay a few pounds!!!
I said I had agreed the price and I wouldn't pay the large amount he was asking for. I said I was going to call the police.
At exactly the same time a policeman walked by and the shoecleaner called him over.
The policeman said that I would have to pay or I would be arrested.

Sunny Hare

One day my friend was driving his car. It was a sunny day and he couldn't see the speed limit sign. A policeman stopped him and asked why he was driving 80km/h in a 40 km/h speed zone. My friend replied that he couldn't read this sign because he had "caught a sunny hare"[been dazzled by direct sunlight]. The policeman took his details and he drove on.
A month later my friend was called to see the judge who said,
"I don't want to fine you. I just wanted to see who you were, because I've never heard such an answer given to a policeman. I know it's not true but I really liked your answer!"
So my friend was let off with a "first warning."
JAKIV

Bournemouth Beach Daylight Robbery

Yesterday Sergey, Jakiv and I were walking along Bournemouth beach. We sat on a bench talking. Jakiv and Sergey decided to go swimming, leaving me with the clothes and bags.
I walked a few yards forward to take a photo but when I came back to the bench I found that my bag had been stolen. I think it was two teenagers quickly riding past on bicycles.
My bag was a computer bag and they must have thought that it was a laptop. Not a bag full of Russian dictionaries, a mobile phone and SIM card and all my personal photos.
They have gained nothing and I have lost a lot...I can't ring my wife anymore.
VICTOR

Cracking the Code

In the Ukraine there was a self-service luggage room at a railway station with one luggage locker left conveniently open. You put your luggage into the locker, choose the code inside, put the coins in and close the door.
But it's not working! What do you do?
You get your bag, choose a new locker, put your luggage into the locker, choose the code inside, put the coins in and close the door.
But 90% of people choose the same code again.
The man who has been watching you only has to look at your first code and he can open your second locker!

A Hamburger in Istanbul

If you are hungry in Isatanbul and you go to a cafe--be careful!!
A hamburger may be listed as 1TL but if you order a coke or fries to go with it they may charge you 20TL because the price of the drink and fries wasn't listed!

Praying at the Mosque

When I was a student at university I went to a mosque to pray. It is necessary to take off your shoes before you enter a mosque. So I took off my shoes and put them on the shelf. These shoes were brand new and very expensive.
After praying I went back to where I had left my shoes and saw a man trying on my shoes. I explained to him that they were my shoes. The man apologized saying that his shoes looked the same--but this wasn't true!
If I had returned a few minutes later I wouldn't have found my shoes!!
FERIDUN

Unknown Aircraft

I was working as an approach controller. One day after I had transferred all traffic to the tower for landing, I went to the window to smoke a cigarette. Looking out of the window I saw anoher aircraft which was completely unknown. This aircraft was near the traffic circuit and was in a dangerous situation!!!!!
I later found out that the aircraft had lost its way and had been going from France to Poland. It hadn't communicated with any of the services because it had lost all its systems!

My Life and the Soviet Union

I have a small house 20m from Lake Karvys near Vilnius, the capital of Lithuania. The lake is 50m deep and about 2 km long. I love it.

I am Lithuanian, I am a patriot. Communism is crazy. But there is a problem!

Under the Soviet system I didn't get paid much, but I could retire at 50. Now, my salary is higher, but I have to continue working until I am 62.

I have to work another 12 years away from my family and my lake!
PRANAS

Welcome to Moscow (Москва)

Moscow is an old and interesting city. There are many historic places to visit. The two most important are, of course, the Red Square and the Kremlin.
Red Square (Красная площадь)
This is one of the favourite place for Muscovites. There are usually parades and New Year is celebrated here. A small but interesting place on Red Square is Lobnoe Mesto ('Disgrace Place'). It is not big and has a round elevation of approximately 10m. This place was built for public declarations and the execution of nobles (princes, kings etc). Usually they were beheaded.
From the Red Square there is a clear view of the ruby stars on the towers of the Kremlin.
Kremlin (Московский Кремль)
The Kremlin is a beautiful piece of architecture built out of red brick with high walls and guard towers. Inside the Kremlin walls there are several impressive cathedrals and the Armoury Palace where you can see fantastic displays of old weapons:
--sabres;
--daggers;
-- pistols decorated with precious stones (rubies, sapphires and emeralds);
--the Tsar's Cannon (this was built more to frighten than to shoot);
--the Tsar's Bell (6m high, 7m wide and weighs 200 tons)
Expect to spend 4-5 hours visiting the sights!
Also, don't forget to visit the Moscow Underground. It is not old (construction began in 1936) but it is very beautiful. Every station is like a museum or palace.
VLAD

Izmir, Ephesus & Sirince

Izmir is a sunny city on the west coast of Turkey. You can go fishing or swimming, sunbathing, cycling or walking.
The sun shines for 8-9 months of the year.
You must try Turkish food, especially Raki (an aniseed liqueur) with fish.
Go to Ephesus it's only one hour from Izmir by car--it is an important archaeological site.You must also visit the village of Sirince.It used to be called Cirkince ("ugly"). The villagers gave it this name because they did not want visitors to come. Still after years, visitors understood that the village was not ugly at all and called it Sirince ("pretty"). As the village is located on the top of a mountain, anyone can enjoy the impressive views of vineyards and peach orchards--and taste their wonderful varieties of fruit wines.
GOKHAN

Sea, Sun, Sand and History

You should come to Antalya in the southeast of Turkey where you will find sun, sand, sea and history combined.
You can start the day by walking along the beach and having an early morning swim. After a "Special Turkish Kebab" lunch you can go on a jeep safari in the mountains. You can live 48 hours in one day!
You should take the opportunity to visit the many museums and historical sites which are scattered all over the city. Also there are sea and water activities like parasailing, rafting and scuba diving.
And that's not all! At night you must go to clubs, discos and bars for even more fun!
You will see and feel the warm hospitality of the Turkish people while you're walking in the town centre or by the city walls.
If you come in March or April you will be able to ski on Saklikent Mountain and then come down for a swim!!
With Turkish Air Traffic Controllers to help you down there are sure to be no delays!
Antalya welcomes you...
EVREN