The Death of Laertes

In the last part of the story of Hamlet there is a swordfight. Laertes has put poison onto the tip of his sword. Laertes manages to wound Hamlet and after that Hamlet fights more and more slowly, but finally he kills Laertes with an extraordinary effort.
In a performance I was in Laertes fell down and Hamlet turned to the audience to deliver his final speech. The Laertes actor then let out an enormous fart that the whole audience could hear.
At that moment the quick-witted Hamlet actor turned to Laertes saying,
"Do I still hear your dying groans?"
He saved the performance!
GAVRILA

Drinking on the Left

I have a friend who was working in England. He decided to take a short holiday and drove his English car back to Romania.
One day he went out on a trip with a friend who was a policeman.
On the road they were stopped by an on-duty policeman who walked over to the left-hand side of the car. "I must see your papers, Sir."
The off-duty policeman asked why.
"I want to know if you have been drinking."
"My papers are O.K. but I have drunk a bottle of wine."
The on-duty policeman took the papers in order to prosecute him. He would have to pay a big fine.
"But why must I pay a fine, you idiot! I wasn't driving!"
GAVRILA

Time Flies!

Alex was an Air Traffic Controller in Kamchatka from 1995 t0 1998. After that he returned to Ukraine.
His friend from Kamchatka wanted to visit Ukraine and flew back with him.
The plane left Kamchatka at 9.00pm.
Kamchatka is in the far east of Russia, Moscow is in the far west and there is a huge time difference.
His friend drank so much before the flight that he slept for the entire 10 hour journey. When they arrived at Moscow at 9.00pm he woke half-conscious and asked where he was. Looking at the clock he said:
"Look! We should have left by now."
"Sergey! Never drink before you fly." Alex replied.
ZEHRA & ALEX

Landing Problem

In 1986 I was a controller in Constanza Airport Tower. In the morning at about 11 o'clock an AN24 type aircraft made a crash landing because the pilot didn't verify that the landing gear was down and locked.
I lost my job for 6 months and after that I had to start my career again with a reduced salary.
It wasn't my mistake because it's the pilot's responsibility to check that landing gear is down. There are 3 green lights which the cabin crew must check before commencing landing.
But in the Soviet system the responsibility was always with the Air Traffic Controller.
AUREL

Catching the Train or not?

This story happened at a railway station in Ukraine. Three men arrived at the station at 8:05pm and asked the stationmaster the time of the next train to Kiev. He told them it would be at 9:00pm. They decided that they had enough time for a drink and they went to a pub.
They came back an hour later and were told that they had just missed the train and that the next one was at 10:00pm, another at 11:00pm and the last one at 12:00pm.
They went back to the pub for drinks but kept missing the trains. As the 12:00pm was leaving 2 of them managed to jump on board. But the third was left behind on the platform.
This man began to laugh. The stationmaster asked him,
"Why are you laughing? You've just missed your train!"
The man replied that he was supposed to catch the train and his two friends had only come to say goodbye!
SUZAN & JAROSLAV

Dog on Runway

When Dmitri was working in the Tower an Austrian aircraft was coming for landing. The aircraft was about 10 km from the runway. At that moment he saw a dog crossing the runway..
He told the pilot to go around and fired a signal pistol to frighten the dog away.
The aircraft had circled and was turning for final approach. The dog had vacated the runway but the grass alongside the runway had caught fire as a result of firing the signal pistol.
Dmitri told the pilot to go around again but the pilot said he had "smoke in sight" and wanted to land immediately.
The pilot landed safely and Dmitri called the fire station to put out the fire.
METIN & DMITRI

RUMI

Mawlānā Jalāl-ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī(Persian: مولانا جلال الدین محمد رومی), but known to the English-speaking world simply as Rumi was born in Balkh in present day Afghanistan in 1207. He took his first education from his father, Baha' ud-Din Walad, who was known as “Sultan of the Scholar”. In 1212 he and his family left Balkh and they came to Konya. He was taught by Seyyid Burhaneddin for nine years. Baha' ud-Din became the head of a madrassa (religious school) and when he died Rumi inherited his position and succeeded him at the age of twenty-five. He was affected so much as by his best friend Shams-e Tabrizi.
Rumi`s teachings are called “Mevlevi” and his students are called “Mevlevi Dervishes”. The Mevlevi Dervish created the “sema” their "turning", sacred dance.His birthplace and native language shows a Persian heritage. His poetry is in Persian and his works are widely read in Iran, Afghanistan, Tajikistan, Uzbekistan and in translation especially in Turkey, Azerbaijan, the US, and South Asia.
His works are:
1-Mesnevi
2-Divan-I Kebir
His poems have been widely translated into many of the world's languages in various formats, and BBC News has described him as the "most popular poet in America"
2007 is the “Year of the Rumi” in Turkey.
METIN & MUSTAFA

The Ottoman Empire

The Ottoman Empire(1299-1922) was a multi-ethnic and multi-religious Turkish-ruled state. By 1300, there were Ghazi principalities all over Anatolia. One of them was led by Osman Ghazi who was the son of Ertugrul Ghazi. They were in the region of Eskisehir in western Anatolia. Osman I extended their borders to the Byzantine Empire. They took Bursa at first and Bursa became capital of Ottaman.
The story of Ottoman had begun there. Osman Ghazi had a better idea than others. He saw the future. They had dreamt of more than a local state and worked a long time to build a big multinational state. They had written documents of their own, about the structure of state, the military, the management, the judgement, the economic means. This systematic approach was the secret of their success.
Because of the success of their system, The Ottomans spanned three continents at 16th-17th century, when they were at their strongest(the map of Ottomans can be seen below). They were controlling Southeastern Europe, The Middle East and North Africa.The empire was at the center of interactions between the Eastern and Western worlds for six centuries. Through these centuries, lots of different cultures, nations lived together without trouble. The main point was that all the people were called Ottoman. It meant that people had the same identity beyond their different cultures.
In 1453 Istanbul was conquered by Fatih Sultan Mehmet and became capital city of Ottoman Empire. This was also beginning of a New Age for the world. They had a successful and determined army and navy. So, Ottoman Sovereigns conquered lots of places in their time. It was the way of being great in that age.
Some well-known of Sovereigns are; Fatih Sultan Mehmed, Kanuni Sultan Suleyman(Suleiman The Magnificent), Yavuz Sultan Selim…
They began to have troubles with management of the empire by the 18th century. It was also affected nationalism which became was taking root all over the world. Because of this and because of the impermanence of all living things, the Ottoman Empire was reaching its end.
After The World War I (1922) the Sovereign was removed by Ataturk. So The Ottoman Empire was finished and the Turkish Republic was established in Anatolia, and other republics in many other countries all over Ottomans lands…
ABDUREHIM & HASIP

A Marriage of Two Towers?

Istanbul is Turkey`s most popular city. It is a cultural and historical centre. It is located on the Bosphorus Strait and is part of the natural harbor known as Golden Horn, in the northwest of the country. The city is a bridge between Asia and Europe. It served as the capital city of different empires including Roman and Ottaman. Istanbul has many mosques, churches and different historical buildings. The city was chosen as joint European Capital of Culture for 2010. Some of the historical areas are in Unesco`s list.
Cultural activity and tourism are an important part of life in the city.
Most of the city`s historical pubs are located in the areas around Istiklal Avenue in Beyoglu. Cicek Pasaji has most of the popular pubs.
Kiz Kulesi is in the centre of the city.If you want to see the two sides of Istanbul, you must visit it.
Galata kulesi ("Bachelor Tower") is on the European side opposite Kiz Kulesi ("Maiden Tower") on the Asian side.
Imagine if the Maiden and Bachelor Towers were married, what a fantastic thing this would be—a wedding of Europe and Asia!!
SEVAL & ZEHRA

Pylyp Orlyk

Pylyp Orlyk, a Zaporozhian Cossack, went into exile after Tsar Peter I won the Battle of Poltava and conquered Ukraine.
He was declared the Ukrainian Hetman in exile after the death of Hetman Ivan Mazepa in 1710.
He was the first to write a truly democratic constitution with separation of powers.
There is a legend in Ukraine that Pylyp Orlyk exported the Ukrainian cossack exchequer to England and invested money for future generations in an independent Ukraine.
But later nobody could remember the password!!

Boxing Brothers

Wladimir and Vitali Klitschko are two of the top boxers in the world.
They are from Ukraine and are brothers.
Both have PhDs are have the nicknames Dr. Iron Fist and Dr. Steelhammer.
Wladimir won the WBO World Heavyweight Championship in 2000 and 2004 and is the IBF/IBO World Heavyweight champion.
Vitali was the WBC heavyweight boxing champion of the world in 2004 and 2005.

Yuri Gagarin

I want to tell the story of a illustrious Russian man, Yuri Gugarin. A lot people know him because he was the first man in space.It was on the 12th April 1961.
Before Gagarin there were 2 space rockets.
The first was a rocket without people or animals. It was just a rocket with a satellite (Sputnik). This sputnik sent signals to the earth and scientists knew the flight had been completed.
The second space flight was with 2 dogs, Belka and Strelka. They returned safely.
Gagarin was the first man to orbit the earth and was in space for 108 minutes.
108 minutes that changed the world!
ANDREY N.
Watch Yuri Gagarin's flight here:

Igor Sikorsky

Igor Sikorsksy was a Ukrainian inventor. He was born in Kiev and lived there before the Russian revolution. After the revolution he emigrated to the USA, because he didn't share the Socialist ideology.
In the USA he continued to work as an inventor. In the 1920s he invented the first vertical takeoff and landing craft which he called the helicopter and founded the company which designed and manufactured all types of helicopters and still continues to do so.
Now it's a very big corporation which manufactures civil, military and cargo helicopters.

Vodka on Ice

A law introduced by Mikhail Gorbachev prohibited alcoholic drinks:
1. People began to make their own domestic alcohol;
2. The black market sold expensive and dangerous drinks;
3. Thousands of vineyards and fruit gardens were cut down;
4. Wineries were destroyed;
5. The government lost billions of rubles.
!!!
ALEX & SERGEY

Prize Tax

In Ukraine if you win something you must pay tax.
I had a friend who won a car in a prize draw.
But he couldn't take the car because the tax was too high.
JAROSLAV THE WISE & DMITRY

Earthquake Tax

In 1999 the west side of Turkey was hit by a big earthquake.
After that the government introduced a tax to help people affected and cities damaged by the earthquake.
But we are now in 2007 and we still have to pay the tax!
MUSTAFA & ABDUREHHIM

During Ceauşescu's time if you had not married after 30 years old you had to pay a tax!
AUREL & GAVRILA

Voting in Turkey

In Turkey everyone over 18 must vote, if they don't they have to pay a fine.
This law they say is democratic, but it isn't democratic.
If I have the right to vote I should also have the right not to vote.
SEVAL & ZEHRA

Bridegroom Baksheesh

Either before or after the wedding the bridegroom has to pay money to anyone (maybe a small child) who stops the car. In Turkey it must be at least TL 5 or maybe TL 20. In Russia it can also be drinks or sweets.
If the groom wants to go away he should have to pay the money and while doing this he should be polite. But sometimes the groom prefers accelerating.
Generally the groom pays the money to get married as soon as possible.
AYSEGUL & ANDREY (Golf)

BLOG 1 0 0 !!!

On the occasion of the 100th Near Miss Blog JOHN & GEOFF would like to thank all of their wonderful students for their contributions--you've been a fantastic bunch---and what a set of blogs!!!

As a way of celebrating the 100th blog post we have selected six of the best (a very difficult task)--for humour, language, fluency and, above all, for making us sit up or smile....

What a talented lot you Air Traffic Controllers are!!!!!

Here they are (in no particular order):
1. Sea, Sun, Sand & History EVREN
A blog to send the unfortunate Englishman heading off for better weather in a country where it can snow and be "summer" at the same time!
2. Welcome to Moscow VLAD
It makes you feel you've actually visited the place!! And came in useful when one of us did!
3. The Poor Man and the Sausages IOAN
A multi-sensory smile here for everyone!
4. Vlad Goes Fishing VLAD
A true story!
5. The Eagle and the Bear ERSAN
Where did he learn "get your goat"? What a joke!
6. Air Traffic Control in Istanbul ESREF, TUNC & BILAL
A fascinating blog--very clear, bold and informative.

With thanks,
GEOFF & JOHN