The Death of Laertes

In the last part of the story of Hamlet there is a swordfight. Laertes has put poison onto the tip of his sword. Laertes manages to wound Hamlet and after that Hamlet fights more and more slowly, but finally he kills Laertes with an extraordinary effort.
In a performance I was in Laertes fell down and Hamlet turned to the audience to deliver his final speech. The Laertes actor then let out an enormous fart that the whole audience could hear.
At that moment the quick-witted Hamlet actor turned to Laertes saying,
"Do I still hear your dying groans?"
He saved the performance!
GAVRILA

Drinking on the Left

I have a friend who was working in England. He decided to take a short holiday and drove his English car back to Romania.
One day he went out on a trip with a friend who was a policeman.
On the road they were stopped by an on-duty policeman who walked over to the left-hand side of the car. "I must see your papers, Sir."
The off-duty policeman asked why.
"I want to know if you have been drinking."
"My papers are O.K. but I have drunk a bottle of wine."
The on-duty policeman took the papers in order to prosecute him. He would have to pay a big fine.
"But why must I pay a fine, you idiot! I wasn't driving!"
GAVRILA

Time Flies!

Alex was an Air Traffic Controller in Kamchatka from 1995 t0 1998. After that he returned to Ukraine.
His friend from Kamchatka wanted to visit Ukraine and flew back with him.
The plane left Kamchatka at 9.00pm.
Kamchatka is in the far east of Russia, Moscow is in the far west and there is a huge time difference.
His friend drank so much before the flight that he slept for the entire 10 hour journey. When they arrived at Moscow at 9.00pm he woke half-conscious and asked where he was. Looking at the clock he said:
"Look! We should have left by now."
"Sergey! Never drink before you fly." Alex replied.
ZEHRA & ALEX

Landing Problem

In 1986 I was a controller in Constanza Airport Tower. In the morning at about 11 o'clock an AN24 type aircraft made a crash landing because the pilot didn't verify that the landing gear was down and locked.
I lost my job for 6 months and after that I had to start my career again with a reduced salary.
It wasn't my mistake because it's the pilot's responsibility to check that landing gear is down. There are 3 green lights which the cabin crew must check before commencing landing.
But in the Soviet system the responsibility was always with the Air Traffic Controller.
AUREL

Catching the Train or not?

This story happened at a railway station in Ukraine. Three men arrived at the station at 8:05pm and asked the stationmaster the time of the next train to Kiev. He told them it would be at 9:00pm. They decided that they had enough time for a drink and they went to a pub.
They came back an hour later and were told that they had just missed the train and that the next one was at 10:00pm, another at 11:00pm and the last one at 12:00pm.
They went back to the pub for drinks but kept missing the trains. As the 12:00pm was leaving 2 of them managed to jump on board. But the third was left behind on the platform.
This man began to laugh. The stationmaster asked him,
"Why are you laughing? You've just missed your train!"
The man replied that he was supposed to catch the train and his two friends had only come to say goodbye!
SUZAN & JAROSLAV

Dog on Runway

When Dmitri was working in the Tower an Austrian aircraft was coming for landing. The aircraft was about 10 km from the runway. At that moment he saw a dog crossing the runway..
He told the pilot to go around and fired a signal pistol to frighten the dog away.
The aircraft had circled and was turning for final approach. The dog had vacated the runway but the grass alongside the runway had caught fire as a result of firing the signal pistol.
Dmitri told the pilot to go around again but the pilot said he had "smoke in sight" and wanted to land immediately.
The pilot landed safely and Dmitri called the fire station to put out the fire.
METIN & DMITRI