Temel & his Mother-in-law

Temel hates his mother-in-law.
One day an angel comes to Temel and asks him to make three wishes, but there is ONE condition:
"I am going to give your mother-in-law ten times whatever you get."
Temel accepts and starts his wishes:
1. "I want to win $1 billion." The angel says, "Your mother will get $10 billion." Temel says O.K.
2. "I want to be the handsomest man in the world."
3. "Now...I want to have a mild heart attack."
SERKHAN

Hoja, King Timur and the Elephant

"One day the villagers came to Hoja saying,
"Hoja! This elephant must go from here because we are working like slaves just to feed it."
The elephant belonged to King Timur and the villagers feared the King and what he might say if they returned it.
"Of course!" said Hoja, "Let's go to King Timur and I'll say to him that it's a big problem for us and ask him if he could take the elephant away. But you must be there with me when I go to see King Timur."
The villagers agreed, "Of course, Hoja!"
Next day the villagers and Hoja went to see King Timur together.
When Hoja started speaking to the King he turned round and saw thet the villagers had gone.
He spoke to the King:
"The villagers like the elephant very much. Could you please give them another one!"
GOKMEN

Aldar Kose, the Donkey and the King

The old King met Aldar Kose and asked him,
"People tell me that you know everything and can do anything. Can you teach a donkey how to speak?"
"Yes" he answered. "I will be able to teach it how to speak within 20 years. But you will have to give me money and half your kingdom."
"I will give you what you ask, but if you don't teach the donkey how to speak I will chop off your head," the King replied.
Time went on and Aldar Kose lived happily and had lots of fun. But people asked him, "When are you going to teach the donkey to speak?"
He anwered, "Never! Because in 20 years either the King or the donkey will be dead. I willenjoy my money now and wait to see who dies first!"
ANDREY

Nazar Boncuk

In Turkey you can find what we call Nazar Boncuk. They come in many different sizes. They are always blue with a white circle and made of glass.
You see them everywhere: in shops, bazaars and factories; in cars, on buses and trains. If it's broken it means bad luck is coming.
You can put it on a wall, hang it on a mirror or wear it. People like to keep it near babies.
People believe that this will protect you from the evil eye by reflecting it like a mirror.
CAGRI & SEMIH

The Fox and the Crow

A crow sat on a branch with a piece of cheese in his beak.
A fox saw him and started to circle the tree, thinking how to remove the cheese from the crow's mouth.
First, the fox tied to make the crow feel good about himself:
"Mr. Crow you look like a star with your shiny feathers."
Because the crow didn't say anything he kept going:
"I've heard you are the wisest bird in the world."
But still the suspicious crow kept silent.

"I've heard that your voice is a thousand times more beautiful than a nightingale: would you mind singing something with your amazing voice?"
As the crow started to sing the cheese fell down and the fox got it.

MORAL: The flatterer is paid by those who bother to listen.
MIHAI

The Poor Man and the Sausages

A poor man was in the market and he smelt the smoke of sausages coming from the barbeque of a stall-holder. He didn't have enough money to buy the sausages but he started to eat bread while smelling the aroma of the cooking sausages at the same time!

The stall-holder said: "You didn't buy anything from me. You must at least pay for the aroma (smoke) of the sausages.
The poor man had only three coins on him. He put his hand into his pocket and shook them to produce the sound of clinking coins.
He replied: "That'll be payment for the smell, the sound of rattling coins!"
IOAN

The Eagle and the Bear

One day an eagle and a bear got onto an airplane and sat next to each other.
After ten minutes the eagle pushed the button to call the air hostess. After seconds the hostess came and asked:
"How can I help you, Mr. Eagle?"
"Oh I only called you to get your goat!" answered the eagle.
The hostess was confused and went back to her seat.

After ten minutes the eagle pushed the button again. The hostess came and asked:
"How can I help you, Mr. Eagle?"
"Oh I only pushed the button to get your goat again!" answered the eagle.
The hostess got angry this time and went back to her seat without saying anything.

Ten minutes later the bear decided to push the button. The hostess came and asked:
"How can I help you, Mr. Bear?"
And the bear replied, like the eagle:
"Oh I only called you to get your goat!"

This time the hostess got really angry and complained to the Captain. The Captain decided to punish them by throwing them off the plane.

The crew took them to the door. As the door was opened ready to push them out the eagle asked the bear:
"Can you fly?"
"No, I can't," replied the bear.
Then the eagle smiled and said to the bear:
"Don't get people irritated if you can't fly!"
ERSAN

The Farmer, the Cow, the Goat, the Goose and the Bag

A farmer went to market to sell his cow.
He sold his cow and with the money he bought a goat.
He was thinking he would get a lot of milk for making cheese. But he didn't.

He sold the goat and bought a goose, hoping to sell a lot of eggs.
But the goose didn't lay very many eggs.

He sold the the goose and bought a bag...

MORAL: Our prediction is often different from the result.

ADRIAN, CRISTINA, CHRISTIAN

Hoja, the Donkey and the Thief

One day Hoja Nasreddin's donkey was stolen. His neighbours asked Hoja how this had happened.
"Didn't you tie the donkey to a tree?"
"Yes I did!"
"Why didn't you put in in the stable?"
"???"
"Why didn't you check on it regularly?"
"???"
"Why didn't you hear anything?"
"???"

Hoja got angry and shouted at his neighbours:
"What about the thief? Doesn't he share any of the blame?"
ALAATTIN

Hoja and the Thief

One night a thief entered Nasreddin Hoja's house without permission. He stole things, but Hoja didn't hear anything because he was sleeping.
In the morning Hoja got up and saw that a thief had come in and stolen some things. He told this to his neighbours and they asked him:
"Why didn't you hear the thief?"
"Why didn't you wake up?"

Hoja was confused.
"Why is the fault all mine? Isn't the thief at fault too?"
ADEM

Hoja's Ugly Wife

One day Nasreddin Hoja married an ugly woman.
His wife asked him, as was the custom, which of the relatives would be allowed to come to see her and which wouldn't.
Hoja answered, "It isn't important! As long as I don't see you, you can be seen by whoever you want."
OZLEM

Hoja Tries to Sleep

One night Hoja couldn't sleep so he went out for a midnight walk. In the street a night-watchman saw Hoja and asked him what he was looking for.
Hoja answered, "My sleep has escaped, I'm looking for it!"
FERIDUN

The Fox and the Grapes

ONE HOT summer's day a Fox was walking through a wood when he saw a bunch of grapes on a branch above his head.
"Just the thing to cure my thirst," he said.
He took a run and a jump, but missed the bunch.
He jumped up again, but didn't get the grapes.
Again and again he tried, but finally he gave up and walked away with his nose in the air, saying:
"I am sure they are sour."
MORAL:
If you're not able to reach your target or goal due to your personal weaknesses you will always say it wasn't worth it!!
ANTONIO

About MLS

MLS is an international college specialising in Management and English Language training with specialist courses for Air Traffic Controllers in Aviation and General English. It is based in Bournemouth, U.K.
"Near Miss" is a blog written by Air Traffic Controllers as part of the General English component of their Aviation English training. See the website for further details.

Hoja and the Tigers

Nasreddin Hoja was throwing handfuls of bread all around his garden.

"Hoja! What are you doing?" his neighbour asked.

"Keeping the tigers away."

"But there aren't any tigers for thousands of miles!"

"Exactly. Effective, isn't it?"
D Z E F

Hoja and the Yoghurt

One day Hoja was eating yoghurt. But it tasted bitter. Then he wanted to throw it away. He went to the lake. A group of villagers came upon him at the edge of the lake. To their surprise, they saw he was kneeling by the water, carefully spooning yoghurt from a wooden bowl into the lake.
Hoja was a famous teacher and he didn't want them to know what he was doing.

"Hoja!" they shouted. "What are you doing with the yoghurt?"

"I'm putting yoghurt into the water to ferment the lake," he replied . "Then there'll be enough yoghurt for everybody."

"You're crazy. How can you think that!" the villagers told him. "This lake will never turn into yoghurt!"

"I know, I know," Nasreddin Hoja admitted. "But just imagine how wonderful it would be if it did!"
CAGRI

Build and Let!

If we had a million dollars we would use it in two ways:
1. BUSINESS- Find the owner of an old house (1-storey) - build a second floor.Sell or let the Second Floor for lots of money.
This way you don't have to worry about buying land or the regulations of the municipality!!
You can do this as many times as you like!!
2. SPENDING-travelling around the world, buying a private plane, discovering new types of fuel, setting up Orphanages, financing Churches, Tourist Boards.
SERGEY, VITALIY, ALEX

Racehorses!

If we had $1 million we would:
1. Train and run racehorses (Arabic and British horses)
2. Buy cars: Ferraris, Porsches and Range Rovers
3. Buy houses with seaviews, gardens and tennis courts
4. Like to travel to Italy, China and America
5. Help the homeless, orphans and the poor
6. Like to set up a Foundation for research into cancer, AIDS etc.
7. Build a school--a special school!
8, Set up a business to give work for the unemployed.
OZLEM, FERIDUN, ANTONIO

Romanian Floods

If we had $10 billion we would set up a fund for Romanian flood victims. Every spring there are floods.
We would rebuild houses and try to move villages to safer areas.
We will need many things:
--clothes
--food
--water!!
--blankets
We would also exchange techniques with other countries in the same situation like Bangladesh.
With global warming this will get worse.
We are here to help!
CRISTINA, ADRIAN & CHRISTIAN

Watch this video...[click to view]

Helping the Poor!

If we had $100,000 we would:
1. Write a Software program like eBay -- approx. cost $70,000
2. Use media advertisements to make people aware of our software and website
3. Find the genuine poor with the help of the government
4. Target rich people and companies who want to offer products without money
5. Give usernames and passwords to the real poor people
6. Make it free for them to buy their necessities---without paying anything!
7. Check, monitor and update the system regularly.

ADEM, ALATTIN & SERKHAN